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Family Violence Resource
The following definitions of violent and abusive behaviours may help clarify what you may be doing to the people you care about. Even when you only use one of these behaviours, your family and relationships may be seriously affected by it.
- Physical violence, directed against people , includes: Punching, kicking, twisting arms, shoving, poking, shaking, pushing, holding someone against their will, using weapons.
- Physical violence, directed against objects, includes: Throwing crockery or food, breaking furniture, smashing doors and walls, driving cars aggressively.
- Sexual abuse, includes: Rape (illegal in marriage), demanding sex, bondage, blackmail, insinuations, coercion, pressuring people for sex when they don't feel like it, hurting sexual parts of their bodies, making them do sexual things they don't want to do or don't like.
- Verbal abuse, includes: Put downs ("Your too stupid/fat/lazy"), making negative comparisons ("You always look such a slob, why can't you tidy yourself up"), criticising her cooking, grooming, figure, mothering ability, intelligence, shouting abuse and threats, labeling ("You're stupid if you can't do this everyone else can!").
- Psychological and emotional abuse, includes:
Threats, blackmail, threats of suicide, death threats, contradictory or impossible expectations, mind games, blaming, setting up other people, hurting killing or maiming family pets, threats to other family members, and friends or pets, using children or threatening to take away or hurt children, the silent treatment, harassment.
- Social violence, includes:
Various types of behaviour which undermine partners' or children's choices and involvement with people outside their immediate family.
- Economic or financial violence/abuse, includes:
Any behaviour where money is used as a way of control or reinforcing negative beliefs about women's ability to cope financially.
Source: Frances, R, Belfrage, N & Wilson, I. (1998) Mirrors Windows & Doors - A self help book for men about violence and abuse in the home Published by No to Violence (NTV) formerly Victorian Network for the Prevention of Male Family Violence (V-NET)
